The time comes in everyone’s life when, one day, you open your mouth and out comes somebody wearing beige who likes begonias and watches The One Show.

It’s a watershed moment that deep primal shock of saying something so bowel-churningly banal when you still feel about 27.

So, here are five occasions when those classic lines might occur. Guard against them at all costs.

1 On a slightly-cooler-than-average day in April:

“Oooh, that wind goes straight through you, doesn’t it?”

2 After an entirely ordinary sandwich and a cup of coffee in a café:

“Well, that was nice…” *slightly higher pitched voice than necessary*

3 You drop something that luckily lands in the bag you are carrying:

“Oooh, I couldn’t have done that if I’d tried!” *cheesy titter*

4 You find a piece of paper in your wallet you tried to find yesterday:

“It’s always the way, isn’t it?” *even cheesier titter*

5 Glance up at white fluffy cumulus clouds, entirely typical of an English summer’s day:

“Looks like rain.” *gloomily*