This is a tale of two historic sites in the southern English county of Sussex, of how to do the heritage thing stylishly and how not to; how to invite visitors graciously in and how to make them feel they are naughty school kids.

These photos are of Michelham Priory in East Sussex. It’s a serene manor house on a site dating back to 1229 (the year, not lunchtime) in tranquil gardens with a moat, an atmospheric Bronze Age round house (replica), a garden room stacked with second-hand books to buy (with honesty box) and beautiful walks. It is operated by Sussex Past, officially known as the Sussex Archaeological Society, which has eight sites across the county, including Fishbourne Roman Palace. It is relaxed, inviting and there are plenty of seats for visitors inside the house and around the gardens. Entry is about £10, which seems good value for a large slab of English history.

This is Bodiam Castle, also in East Sussex. It’s a spectacular 14th Century moated castle, ruined on the inside, but offering rural views which feature a steam train calling at the nearby station. It is operated by the National Trust; as a consequence, it lists six activities you are forbidden to do within the castle walls, just after it has ‘welcomed’ you. It’s irritating, patronising and assumes misdemeanours will occur. The NT also tries to charge £3 for ‘pay-and-display’ parking in a field after it has charged you about £10 each to walk around the ruins. The cafe was on the way to being packed up and closed for the day when we called by for tea at 4pm.

Michelham has rooms stocked with dressing up clothes for children but the National Trust tells you eating, drinking and fishing is forbidden, among other things. Who the hell brings their invariably middle-class family on a day out to a 14th Century castle and thinks: ‘I know, I’ll just pop the fishing rod in, so I can bag a few of those huge critters swimming in there’? Who thinks, when there is a large area with picnic tables, ‘I know, we’ll just spread our picnic rug right here in the centre of the castle, crack open a Special Brew and tuck in’? Who thinks, ‘I know, I’ll just stop and have a quick fag here while the pooch has a crap by that 14th Century wall’? Possibly two nutters a year, who could be politely redirected to the outside area, carting with them the Rottweiler, fishing rod, cooler bag, vaping equipment, six-pack of lager and crampons.

The National Trust makes much of creating ‘special places’ and family memories with its ’50 things to do before you’re 11¾’ campaign. Presumably those ’50 things’ have to be on a pre-approved-by-committee list voted for by the great and the good. One of the ’50 things’ children and the adults with them are not trusted to do is refrain from abseiling down historic walls or cracking open the fizzy pop inside a castle.

Michelham Priory knows people can have fun without instructions on what not to do. I can manage it – I’m sure you can too.